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Somehow intuition knew that my body was sick and I painted this pained, anguished portrait for over 4 years. I was fixated on this image (of a wrestler) and kept painting it over and over again.

My family didn’t like the art – but I couldn’t help myself.

Why was I doing this?

How could my intuition possibly know I was sick - even before being diagnosed?

Hell starts here.

I was diagnosed with cancer.  The visible tumor is exactly where I had been painting it for 5 years before I was even diagnosed!

I was covering it up and even pointing to in my art.

How is this possible?

1. Tremendous swelling and the pain associated.
   

2. Complete absence of sleep during my hospital stay (10 days with no sleep) due to breathing & other complications.
   

3. Need for constant injections of pain medications (morphine) and antibiotics to control infection.
   

4. Speech was impossible while my tracheotomy tube was inserted, after it’s removal simple communication was possible.
   

5. Swallowing abilities came back within the first 14 days of surgery.
   

6. Dental complications may require future treatments to the jaw area utilizing a hyperbolic chamber (intense oxygen) to restore lost blood flow in the jaw bone
   

7. Fast healing of scared areas with excellent mobility, flexibility and strength.

1. I was a non-smoker.
   

2. 39 years young.
   

3. Father of three wonderful boys.
   

4. Very healthy and fit   (some even said good looking).
   

5. Successful business (after 6 long years hard work).
   

6. Soccer coach, just started a unique academy, Spark Soccer for kids to help boost their confidence through sports and skill development
   

7. Enjoyed community work (Virtuosity, Cows in the City, Odyssium) Fundraising and donation of my time.
   

8. I architected Alberta’s Promise “Bill One” (for the Premier & Province of Alberta).
   

9. Blessed with great friends and family.
   

1. It was all a big lie I had cancer and I refused to believe it, I was in denial.
   

1. Seven weeks of radiation treatments.
   

2. Radiation burns to my flesh internally and externally and associated pain (Skin reactions burns/swelling/bleeding/pealing).
   

3. Dramatic weight-loss, over 70 lbs.
   

4. Difficulty in swallowing: inability to eat solids / swallowing liquids hurts.
   

5. Stiffness (pain) in all effected areas.
   

6. No taste for awhile, no desire or ability to eat without a lot of mental preparation/(this was one to two hour ritual just to drink one meal replacement shake).
   

7. Fatigue and loss of energy.
   

8. Loss of saliva.
   

9. Twenty-four hour a day pain.
   

10. Hospitalized for part of June and most of July at the Cross Cancer Institute.
    

11. My care included 24 hour a day pain medication, monitoring, nutritional guidance and support, occupational physiotherapy and psychological support.

Hell Four. Life’s Challenges.

In this painting I am subconsciously trying to “block-out” the pain of cancer growing inside me. Notice how I am trying to use the blue toy to cover up the intense magenta pain.

In this painting I am subconsciously pointing at the obvious - exactly where the tumor was.

Weird huh?

2002

2004

1. I have three young boys - how will this effect them?
   

2. My Mom died of cancer at about the same age 37
   

3. My life expectancy: unknown. They never tell you how long you’ll survive. I was more focused on the “living idea”.
   

4. 7 Weeks of Radiation Treatments
   

5. 14 Hours of Surgery
   

6. 
   

7. a few things to think about...
   

living with cancer

Scroll to the bottom of this page & work your way up.

Why?  Because when you are going through hell, the only way out is to go up.  This timeline shows how I was some how able to see and “paint my cancer” years before I was diagnosed by the doctors. It also shows my path to recovery.

The red faced playmobile toy is being chocked.

Notice the hand wrapped around the neck. This is in fact how I feel every minute of every day right now.

After surgery and radiation treatments to the head and neck area, I have a constant feeling of a tight wooden chocking sensation around my neck, as if as though there was a huge rubber band collar wrapped around my neck.

Making art/painting, playing/coaching soccer and a glass (or two) of fine Shiraz make the feeling go away (temporarily).

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Activating Hope. Begins.

1. I’m broke and can’t work. Based on my “sleep deprivation program”, concentration, focus & ability is not there.
   

2. I lost my disability pay. I went back to work for a short while and then had to deal with more surgeries.  I learn later on that 90% – 100% of people who experience what I have – never return to work. Nice.
   

3. Morphine withdrawals. Not fun.
   

4. Lost most of my teeth.  Not fun. My facial appearance starts to change, I look like “hell” on some days, old tired and not well.
   

5. Six more surgeries over the course of three years to deal with a deteriorating jaw, head and neck area (teeth especially).
   

6. HBO Treatments 3.5 hours a day. They help a lot with healing from the surgeries but take up most of the day.  Life as normal.  Nope.
   

7. Difficulty speaking. Speaking takes a great deal of energy & concentration. Sometimes people think I’m drunk or just got out of bed. I wish – but I can’t sleep,  so I can’t use that excuse.
   

8. Irregular sleep patterns due to dry mouth and loss of saliva. I usually wake up every 30 minutes to an hour to drink some water.
   

9. Loss of saliva is permanent.  The day I went off of morphine - it completely disappeared. Should I call a lawyer because the Saligin pills and clinical trial failed and was suppose to be 90% effective?
   

10. Feeling disconnected to the outside world. I’m probably clinically depressed but I keep coaching soccer, raising money for community projects and charity and making art –  this is THE best medicine and keeps me from falling off the world.
    

Hell Twice. Radiation. Ouch!

A Hope in Hell. Battling back with my art.

1. I learn that my disability pay is reduced from 66% of my salary (tax free)  to less than 20% because the underwriting insurance company “lost or mis-filed a piece of paper” that entitled me to my full benefits. I don't have the energy to call a lawyer.
   

2. I can’t even pay for morphine or other medication I need, let alone feed my kids. Christmas is tough, so are birthdays.
   

3. Struggling financially I refuse to give up and continue charity in the community hoping and praying that somehow things will be o.k. at the end of every month.
   

4. I continue to be positive and give lectures and guest appearances to cancer patients, business people and medical students (mostly pharmaceutical) I may need their help if I’m short cash for pain meds – like morphine.

Hell Three. I’m down, so kick me really #%&!” hard!

We launch the Art of Hope one million dollar fundraiser.

Through the donation of my art and time, I helped raise over $110,000 so 21 kids in Edmonton could experience their dream of playing soccer in Spain with the best in the world.

I declare myself as the world’s poorest philanthropist.

Through the donation of my art I helped raise over $150,000 for Edmonton charities and community projects in 2007.

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Potential is the ability to inspire others through a strong sense of purpose and hope to “achieve something together” that is much greater than the sum of it’s parts.                                   steven csorba

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On May 9, 2009,  I published this website. My goal now is to raise one million dollars for cancer research. I will also try to launch a worldwide $50 million dollar “Save the Art - Save the World fundraiser” with Apple, Ikea and a few others to help build hope and a better future for children who need help all around the world.

Activate Hope Now!

> A unique blog is now active for people and their friends and families battling cancer. The Art of Hope images provide the starting point to get the conversation going.

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recognition program

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art of hope